In those cheesy movies and TV shows from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s, mischievous kids were often gifted drum sets to drive their parents or exes crazy. It was meant to be a form of punishment, as the parents had to endure the dreadful noise and lose countless nights of sleep while their little rockstar wannabe awkwardly discovered the beat.
However, there were other ways for pranksters to have fun at the expense of their friends and coworkers without breaking the bank on musical instruments. During that era, there were plenty of affordable and widely available toys and games that could be just as exasperating. If your parents had any of these toys at home when you were growing up, it might be a good idea to give them a call and express your gratitude for their endless patience. And if they happened to possess more than 10 of these annoying toys, it’s even more reason to reach out and thank them, while also promising to find a better home for those toys. A place where the staff won’t pilfer their precious keepsakes and where they can enjoy more than just one measly hour of outdoor time each week. After all, they had to endure the most bothersome kids’ toys ever created. They truly deserve the utmost appreciation. But don’t fret, chances are they’ll soon forget about this conversation…”
1. Hungry Hungry Hippos
There is still a lot of love and nostalgia for Hungry Hungry Hippos, the tabletop board game that is still being produced by Milton Bradley. Plans for a feature film adaptation have been in the works for a long time. However, what many parents from the ’80s and ’90s remember the most about the game is not the story of Henry and Homer Hippo or the catchy theme song from the commercial. It is the incredibly loud noise that kids made when playing the game and the inevitable discovery of loose marbles in unexpected places. These marbles would turn up between toes, inside the vacuum cleaner bag, or even deep within the ears of beloved infants and pets.
2. Super Soaker
Before 1990, parents often complained that water guns couldn’t quite achieve the desired balance between wetting their kids and their immediate surroundings without drenching them unpleasantly. However, Super Soaker revolutionized the game by using pressurized air to shoot more water, with greater accuracy and distance than any other water pistol available.
The impact of Super Soaker was immense. It became so popular that the name itself became synonymous with any powerful water gun in the market. Over the years, the brand has generated more than $1 billion in sales. That’s a staggering amount of pressurized water blasts to the face, ruined suede, and, of course, cherished memories.
3. Let’s Go Fishin’
There’s another item on the list that caught my attention – Pressman’s “Let’s Go Fishin'”. This board game tries to capture the excitement of a real fishing trip, but with a twist. Instead of actual fishing, it replaces family bonding and quality time with magnets. Kids are given plastic fishing poles with magnets at the tip to catch one of 21 mechanized fish that spin around in a circle, opening and closing their magnet-filled mouths.
Now, let’s go through the checklist. First, this game is incredibly loud. Second, it is frustrating to play. And third, it is filled with tiny parts and fish that are bound to end up scattered all over the playroom, the outdoors, and even inside curious digestive tracts.
As if that wasn’t enough, as an added bonus, kids can have fun exploring all the other magnets around the house and leaving their tiny fishing poles there. This renders the entire game useless, leaving parents scratching their heads.
4. Skip-It
Most of the toys on this list are here because they can be irritating, but let me tell you, Skip-It takes it to a whole new level. It’s not just annoying, it’s actually kind of dangerous. (I can’t even handle happy children, and now we’re talking about accidents on the playground? *Shudder*)
So, here’s how it works: Skip-It is a plastic hoop that kids put around their ankle. It has a little line and a counter attached to it. The idea is for the kid to swing the device around one ankle and then skip over it, while the counter keeps track of the number of successful skips.
Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not quite. This innocent-looking toy had a tendency to knock around unsuspecting bystander kids. Imagine being minding your own business and suddenly getting hit by a wild Skip-It counter. Ouch!
But that’s not all. Kids also ended up knocking into themselves every time they missed a skip. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that occasionally kids are going to mess up while trying to skip. That’s just what kids do, right?
All in all, Skip-It may have seemed like harmless fun, but it definitely had its share of risks.
5. Furby
Furby, the popular toy of Christmas 1998, was a furry robotic monster with a resemblance to an owl crossed with Gizmo from the “Gremlins” movies. During the period between 1998 and 2000, an astounding 40 million Furbys were sold. The main selling point of these creatures was their claimed “intelligence” – they would initially speak their own language called “Furbish,” but gradually learn English words. Additionally, they had the ability to respond to other Furbys and to human touch. Think of it as a twisted version of Spielberg’s “A.I.” where the robot is a bizarre monster instead of the kid from “Sixth Sense.”
Interestingly, not only did kids enjoy having Furbys, but their parents also found them to be delightful companions. Just imagine, in today’s world, having a noisy and attention-seeking robot that can only communicate through incomprehensible baby talk, and it never leaves your place.
6. Bop-It
Throughout this list, you’ll notice a recurring theme of “toys or games that produce annoying, repetitive, digitized sounds or noises.” It’s strange how children’s brains seem unaffected by noise pollution, and unfortunately, toymakers took advantage of this fact. It’s safe to say they were not the kindest of people. Bop-It falls into a category of toys that Hasbro referred to as “audio games,” which immediately sets off alarm bells.
Essentially, Bop-It was a much louder version of the classic game “Simon Says,” allowing lonely or anti-social kids to play by themselves. The toy would bark out commands like a futuristic plastic dominatrix (“Bop It! Twist It!”), and children had to follow these instructions quickly and accurately. Little did they know, this was preparing them for the monotonous desk and cubicle jobs they would eventually find themselves in a decade later.
7. Sit ‘n Spin
Is it a toy or a rude phrase in a classic ’40s noir film? Well, guess what? It’s actually both! Back in the ’70s and ’80s, the Sit ‘n Spin from Kenner Toys was a real hit. This nifty contraption brought the fun and, let’s not forget, the nausea of Disneyland’s famous “Mad Hatter’s Tea Party” ride right into people’s living rooms.
So here’s how it works: the child sits on a plastic base and gives the wheel a spin. And voila! They start spinning around in place with their legs crossed. It may sound like a blast, but let’s be real here. Mom and Dad have to be on standby to deal with the aftermath. That means cleaning up all the vomit and drying everyone’s tears. And then, of course, the cycle starts all over again.
8. KerPlunk
KerPlunk is a variation of the popular game Jenga. Instead of wooden blocks, it involves a cylinder filled with marbles. The cylinder is placed on top of a netting made of colorful sticks. The objective is to remove the sticks one by one, causing marbles to drop. The player with the fewest dropped marbles in their section wins.
This game has the distinction of having the lowest “Work Involved” to “Fun Had” ratio among all ’80s toys. Surprisingly, despite being originally released in the late ’60s, versions of KerPlunk are still available today. This just goes to show that the timeless love for our children surpasses any desire for peace of mind or silence.
9. Click Clacks
This toy has a name that represents an annoying sound. You probably already know where this is going. Click Clacks, also known as Clackers, were made up of two acrylic balls attached to strings that were tied to a metal ring. The objective was to swing the ring up and down, making the balls clack together rhythmically, resulting in a loud click-clack noise. This noise caused a whole generation of parents to develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and seek refuge from their children under blankets.
To make matters even worse, in 1985, Click Clacks were banned in the US. This happened after reports emerged of the balls hitting each other too forcefully and breaking apart, causing dangerous flying shrapnel. So, yeah, that happened…
10. Gak
In 1992, Mattel and Nickelodeon teamed up to introduce a new slime-based substance. This unique product was designed to make a fart sound when squeezed or placed in its container. Can you believe it? Nickelodeon actually expects us, sane adults, to willingly bring this disgusting, alien material into our homes. But wait, there’s more! We’re then supposed to let thoughtless children, who have no concept of property values or impulse control, play with it. It’s a crazy world we live in, but if this isn’t a display of love, then I don’t know what is.
11. Teddy Ruxpin
In the mid-1980s, a talking teddy bear named Teddy Ruxpin took the toy market by storm. This adorable bear became the best-selling toy in both 1985 and 1986, and even had his own animated TV show in 1987. What made Teddy Ruxpin unique was his ability to “read” stories to kids by using audio cassettes. As the bear told the stories, his mouth and eyes would move to match the action, creating a somewhat eerie and uncanny effect.
Adding to the strangeness was Phil Baron’s ethereal voice work for Teddy Ruxpin. His childish voice added a touch of innocence to the character, but when combined with the overall sugary tone of the project, it almost felt like Teddy could have been the villain in a Japanese horror film from the ’90s. It’s worth noting that while the eye and mouth movement only worked with Teddy Ruxpin-specific tapes, you could actually insert any tape you wanted into Teddy’s back. Yes, even Slayer tapes.
